For hours of desert interstate highway, I see billboards proclaiming, THE THING JUST 500 MILES!… MYSTERY OF THE UNIVERSE AT THE THING!… ONLY 30 MILES TO THE THING!… THE THING, NEXT EXIT! So I drive up to the roadside attraction, pay the five bucks and walk through a long corridor. There is a brilliant green glow and a deafening humming sound coming from the room that contains THE THING. Yes, I discover the mysterious secret of the universe. I was also able to obtain a pecan log, a Diet Coke and a coon skin cap.